Made To Crave

Satisfying your desire without food. Interesting read so far. It is supposed to help you:

Break the cycle of “I’ll start again on Monday,” and feel good about yourself today.
Stop agonizing over numbers on the scale and make peace with your body.
Replace rationalization that leads to diet failure with wisdom that leads to victory.
Reach your healthy goals and grow closer to God through the process.

It is written for young girls but the principles are the same.

Learning many things about myself. Trying to recognize some bad habits, triggers and what to do in place of succumbing to my bad habits. Trying to brainstorm ways to not give in to my bad habits of binge eating, or eating my feelings instead of feeling them. Hard work.


Im definitely a work in progress but i am well worth it.

Week 3 C25K Completed

Just stopping by to say week 3 is a killer. I am so out of shape that I cant run for a complete 3 minutes at a time. I have to pause then go again. I do hit the pause button on the app also. So I am running the distance just have to pause a lot. I will get there even if I run like a tortoise.

C25K Week 1 Completed

Week 1 of C25K done and in the history books. My freaking hips are killing me. But i am feeling very much accomplished.


I have also joined a program called "Back on Track" by

Bariatric Support Centers International

That is what materials I am using. I am attending a weekly webinar associated with the back on track materials with WLS Success Matters. The hosts are Sandi from Banded Living and Wendy Campell AKA Banded Wendy of Proof WLS Works. The course materials are very informative. And I am daily discovering new things about myself, my tool and gaining knowledge to work this tool at its best. The weekly webinars with those two woman are meaty to say the least. They are both very genuine in there care for people with wls to reach there full potential and the back on track program is just that. For those who find themselves slipping like I was.


Saturday my daughter will be coming to help me do my fitness assessment. One of the assignments I need to do. basically how many push ups, sit ups etc that I can do now. So I can gauge my progress at the end of the course.


Today I also started my 5 day Kick Start portion of the program. Basically getting my body in Ketosis mode so it will start burning stored fat and not sugar reserves. So woke up and ate bacon and eggs :)


For some reason today I am feeling drained. Could it be the lack of caffeine maybe as I cannot have any sweeteners for 5 days.So no coffee.


Here's to living Your Best Life.

Couch To 5K Day 1

My daughter and I have talked back and forth about doing a 5K together. We both need to get into shape. I am a hit and miss when it comes to exercising. I have not found anything that I love to do. I have ADD when it comes to a formal routine of exercise. I dont obey the rules of WLS when it comes to exercise. I will do it a few days then nothing. Bottom line I get bored easily. Too easy. So I saw someone post about a Color Run. It looked like it was fun, not your typical run against the time kind of 5 K. I was stoked. Yes stoked. That is a word back from my teenage years just in case you are too young to remember ever hearing that word.



So a little research and I downloaded an app on my new pink IPOD lol

Day one complete. Thankfully the app has you run one minute and walk another. Or else I think I would die. Yesterday on our family outing. My daughter says "Mom you wont be upset if Sue and I run ahead of you". O little girl dont underestimate your momma. Of course I said not at all. She knows how competitive her momma is. I like a challenge and I dont want to eat anyones dust. Mind you I wouldnt mind her trainer leaving me because that chick is fit as can be. But my daughter thats another story. I will be on her heals. Love that girl.



I am also excited because one of my best friends is going to run in the same color run as me. It will all be our first 5k. I say there will be three emotional woman by the end of the finish line.

New Pantry Items/ Miracle Noodles etc

I am sure my friends and family on facebook are getting tired of my weight loss and struggle status messages. But really do I care? Nope. I have bought me some things to try. So these are going into my pantry.

I am really looking forward to trying these miracle noodles. If anyone has tried them let me know what you think. Going to try these recipes. Miracle Noodle Recipes

Some Fun

Work it girlie.



Get Down Big Boy :P

Drum Roll Please....

I am super excited about getting closer to my own "Onderland". Two pounds away :) In celebration I ordered me a new pink ipod to load all my pics and music on. Too cute. I also cut off my hair. I have been wanting to do this for a long time. My hair is so thin and I love the sporty look. Most people like it :) Here is my new do:

I still need to learn how to fix it :)

Learning a lot of things about myself. Discovered YES I am an emotional eater. It wasnt until an argument not initiated from me but a girlfriend who had issues with me throwing out opened boxes and canisters of junk food. I had a bunch after the holidays and for me to be successful at this there are times I cant have this stuff in the house. So I pitched them in the trash. I also posted about it on Facebook. MISTAKE. She jumped on it and told me it was "disgraceful to throw away food". Thankfully I didnt retort back with nasty stuff though I wanted to. i explained that I have been dealing with a lot of emotional stuff lately and was resorting to eating my feelings. She literally said "oh brother". I could of done a lot of things. I could have just unloaded with a bunch of nasty things back. But I tried to think about where she was coming from. And yes I realized why she was so harsh. It wasnt about ME at all. Though it did hurt my feelings. I am glad to say that I didnt medicate myself with food. That is what I usually do. Either that or take a nap. Those are my two ways of dealing with hurtful things. I stayed awake and just felt the feelings.

Where Have I been

It has been a long time since I have blogged. Shame on me for sure. So many things have happened in a year. I am still a work in progress. Dealing with the good the bad and the ugly in this weight loss journey. I have met so many wonderful people through facebook and the wls forums. I have truly been blessed by recieving there knowledge and support. The past few months i have noticed myself going back to the old behaviors when it has come to eating and fitness. I have lost 79 pounds to date amd right now I am a comfortable 14/16 dress and pants. And I can say I am comfortable in my own skin. I can dress nice and feel good about myself. And with this comes the double edged sword. Being too comfortable that I start to slack off. Eat things that I really shouldnt too often. Thankfully I felt myself starting to snap back and realize if I continue this I wil blow up again. That I do not want to do again. I dont want to be the fat girl anymore. I want to continue to feel good about myself. So money where my mouth is I joined not one but two challenge groups on facebook. I need the structure. the constant in your face. The constant journaling. OMG I am an addict for sure. This is something that is so hard for me accepting te ugly that is in me. Discovering all the while I said I wasnt an emotional eater just to find out that I freaking am! So hard to sit down and evaluate yourself. To point the finger back at yourself and call you on your own BS. I want to be the healthy girl. I want to be the active girl who doesnt get short of breath during a physical activity. Slowly I am becoming who I want to be. Here is a little view of the girl I am becoming. The bottom two pics are of me at my heaviest at 290.

Scale

Have to remind myself of this.
Food for the day done. Water consumed. Gonna enjoy my weekend.

Update. Square One. No restriction!

Recently had struggles with lap band knowing I was too tight.
Too many episodes of not keeping food down, Not able to eat but a few bites at a time. Not even a
a 1/2 c of food. So after puking up water cause it wouldnt go down I made that appointment for an unfill. I was told on the last fill to just wait it out. They thought I irritated my opening with supplements ugh! Then come to find out I was too tight. Tight enough that even liquid was making my pouch dilate over my band slightly.
Not good at all. Result taking out 3 cc of fluid and leaving me wide open.


Im just plugging along trying to work this band.

Exercise

Ive been reading where it takes 21 days to form a habit.
I guess that would include both good and bad habits. Mine that I am attempting to form is of course the exercise habit. Ive done well so far. Day three lol I did do three miles today though I had to split it in twp sessions. I tried to walk around lunch time but the sun was burning my recently chemically peeled face. Not good. S0 I did one then after dinner did two more. Score! Felt accomplished. Now 18 more days of some sort of physical exercise. After dinner and exercise I updated my fitness pal and it said I was 1014 calories short for food intake. Not good cause you have to eat to lose weight. Ate a protein bar and ended up only having 700 calories after taking off what was burned during exercise. Trying to figure this whole band thing out. Footnote stupid scale hasnt moved hardly at all last few weeks and is making me pissy :(

Update

On Monday the 19th I had a fill which brought me up to 6 cc. It has been over a week and I still am not able to eat solid foods at every meal. I am happy to report I have a good sense of restriction. That is so nice. What I dont like is all the noise I am making even over liquids. We have a home group once a month and I had to come out of the closet about WLS. I was making so much racket I had to tell. I had to admit that it was the one thing I could not control and it surprised everyone that I was worried about what people would think cause everyone knows I have a "I dont give a crap attitude" about what people say about me. I confessed it was embarrassing cause I am such a control freak and it embarrassed me that this was one thing I let control me.

My nutritionist is on a HCG kick and suggested I go on it for a month. She said I could easily reach 200 pounds by Christmas. I am tempted and she believes I wont struggle as much as I did before cause what she has is pharmaceutical strength. Im going to go for the consultation and check it out. Upside is Im already used to doing so little food that should be a breeze.

Diet or Lifestyle?

Question I saw on Profwlsworks youtube, Are you on a diet or is is this a lifestyle?

I can honestly say right now it has been a diet. I NEED to make this a lifestyle.
What does that require? A definite conscious mind change.

Positive things Im doing. One is to find something positive about myself everyday. Trying to focus on eating quality foods. Only trying to eat when Im hungry. But not get to the point where Im so hungry that I reach for something quick and inevitably bad for me. I have increased my workouts. Out of 7 days I have really busted my a$$ for three with aerobics( yes needs to be 5 but life gets in the way). Wearing my Kutting Weight Sweat Suit. OMG makes you really sweat. I also purchased Bali Thigh Slimmer Belts. I have been using them on my fat arms. Mind you I never sweat on my arms. These babies make my arms sweat. I bought them from Amazon.

The Band: I can feel myself being able to eat more than I should, not staying satisfied for as long as I should. Some days I am truly hungry one hour after eating. Not good. Defeats the purpose of the band giving satiety. So scheduled a visit for a fill. Haven't had one in two months and do believe I need one. I dread it also at the same time. As I have difficulty with every fill.

Fighting the comparing my own progress with the progress of others.
I find myself initially rejoicing at others accomplishments but then inwardly resenting and turning it against myself. Im human. I know others feel the same way but we are all individuals and depending on our age, lifestyle, gene pool all that crap does help determine what and how we respond to the lap band. Yes its a tool and I have to learn how to use it for me.



Lifestyle Reminders

1. Eat 5 times per day. 3 meals 2 snacks

2. Eat only at planned meal times; no grazing.

3. Eat only good quality foods; protein first

4. Eat slowly; chew 20-30 minutes per meal.

5. Keep portion sizes small; 1 cup maximum.

6. Stop eating when you are no longer hungry.

7. No beverages while eating.

8. Drink 64 FO fluids/day ( no cal) in between meals.

9. At least 30 min/day of physical activity.

10. Take multi-vitamin/mineral supplements daily

(copied this from a fellow lapbander)

Three Weeks AWOL

I have been neglectful on the blogging. Bad girl. Last time I checked in I was having trouble with my fill. That has seemed to taper out. To date have lost 47 pounds. Been banded 4 months so thats about 10+ pounds a month which isnt bad. I have lost an additional 9 inches. I discovered I am not coordinated. Decided to sweat with Richard Simmons. I tell you watching girls that are bigger than me do those moves will kick your butt when you realize how out of shape you are. I have been using my facebook account to keep motivated and accountable as well as myfitnesspal on the net and my phone. I love that site cause you can see the nutrient breakdown of what food you put in your mouth.

I am doing Jenny Craig meals when I fix something for the family that I cannot eat with the band or that just isnt healthy for ME. I can happily say I can fit into a size 18 comfortable. Im thrilled with that.

Just bought my second installment of detox regimen. Im doing a liver detox. Then Ill do a metal detox. I found when I do a detox it helps the pounds release.



Stay on the losing bench my friends :)

BYOC Friday

BYOC Friday!!
It’s Friday so that means.......it’s time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy!


We answer just a few questions to get to know each other better and to give our blog brains a break!

Copy to your own blog if you wish and ENJOY!

1. How much makeup do you wear daily, how long does it take you and are you loyal to certain brands?

It depends on what or who I am seeing that day. During the week I work at my own office, we own a construction company. Mostly work with men. I usually use a foundation and some lipstick and mascara. If I have meetings with our contracting agency or sub contractors I do a little more primping. Saturdays if I am just staying home and not having visitors I go naked.


2. Repeat question: I’m going to pick a person not knowing your relationship with them (or even if there is one) and you try to describe this person in 5 words/short sentences.


Your oldest paternal aunt.
She is shy, but a very sweet person.


3. Tell me about your first real kiss and how old you were.
Unfortunately I cant remember this as my childhood sucked! I do remember losing my virginity and even younger losing my innocence :(


4. If I gave you $1000.00 and told you that you had to give it to a charity – which charity would you choose and why?

Probably my own. We are building a school in Haiti.




5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.


Blog land: Blog land I have been abscent and I plan on doing all my catching up this weekend.


Real life: Busy busy busy. My grandson started school so I hope to have some me time to really get in gear with the physical activity.

On The Road

Discovered that I am not good with eating on the road with this band. Especially when I cant pick the places to eat. I need to stick with salad bars at least I can pick and choose. Al a Ca-rte ordering is expensive. I wasn't able to weigh in but I dont think it will be good. I also got TOM and of course its only been two weeks since it wash here the last time. I started having a protein shake last two mornings it has 50'gs of protein since Im not eating enough. Also I am determined to exercise every day as I have let other things get in the way. Im just not doing good and I need to do better. I am getting discouraged cause it is so slow.

The Waiting Game

I called in to get a slight unfill as I got filled to 5 cc two weeks ago. I have not gone one day problem free. Inevitably something gets stuck no mater how much I chew. Saturday was the icing on the cake with the uncontrollable vomit episode. My nurse practitioner is gone until the 16th and I would have to drive 3 hours for an unfill. They had a wls physician call me and after much discussion he decided MAYBE it wasn't a prolapse but irritation cause of the capsules and prescription pill I take. When he said it sound like a prolapse I almost panicked. I don't ant this to fail and I don't want to have it taken out. So Im babying it and eating soft foods. My unfill is scheduled on the 17th. Wish me luck.

Scale Ho= Guilt as Charged!

Have had a hard time since my last fill. Some days Im so tight I can barely get one meal in without a problem. Yesterday we went for Thai food. It was my first time. It was so good. Fresh vegetables lots of spice. I was so tight couldnt get much ate. On the way to our hotel ten minutes into the ride I had to make them pull over cause I got sick. So embarrassing in front of my friends puking my guts up.

My good guy pal came out to give me a Kleenex. My husband of course stayed in the car. Weak kneed guy. He cant even stand the gurgling sounds I have been making with meals. Not sure if this is normal or not.
Dont know if I need an unfill. I dread the fills I hate to keep going back and forth on this.

Only lost a pound this week but thats better than nothing. Would have expected more because of not eating much but all that does is make your body want to hold onto it even more :(

Fridays BYOC

Copy and paste to your own blog if you so desire! Enjoy!

1. Sun or rain? Roses or tulips? Romantic movie or comedy?
Rain. Makes me want to snuggle with that someone special. Tulips I think are perfect. Roses overdone. Romantic movie. Im not much for movies that make no sense at all.

2. I’ve been sick lately and haven’t eaten in two days – except for ice cream…which leads me to ask – what’s your favorite ice cream flavor?

Butter pecan :)

3. Are you a door locker – in your house and car?
I lock everything.

4. tell me your “go to remedies” for when you are sick?
Only remedy for me is to sleep and sleep some more. Not much of a pill taker.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
Blogland:

Blogland I have been super lazy. Havent even read much. Life has been so hectic with work and personal. Heat is making us all bitchy. Ive barely made it on here to post scale pic. I promise to do better :P

Weekly Weigh In

Don't know why the image is crooked :(



I had my second fill this past week. I'm tighter than a virgin. I cant eat in the mornings but I am told this is normal. I do get fuller quicker and am staying satisfied longer. That is a good thing because the last week before fill I could have ate a whole horse. I also had the visit which contributed to the massive hunger.
I am slowly losing. No big numbers but they are moving. I'm back down to wearing alot of 18-20 tops. My ass still isn't getting small in comparison to my top regions.
My food choices are better. Im continuing with the Jenny Craig meals only cause of the convenience of having it already prepared. It saves me from reaching for bad choices. It is an expensive program. I will do it as long as I can. I have to mostly choose chicken foods or ground beef items. They are band friendly. Heres to a new week and moving my butt more. Cooler weather please come soon!