Friday, December 11, 2009

Emotional Eating

This time of year is very difficult as I know it is for alot of people. 11 years ago this time of year I was expecting to deliver a healthy baby girl. I developed toximina and was put into the hospital repeatedly. In the end I delivered a full term stillborn little girl. Her birth day is December 19th. Sounds like a good reason to emotionally eat. I can feel the pangs of wanting to every now and then along with the wanting to just crawl into bed and not come out.
But just like 11 years ago I go about the daily duties of preparing for the holidays all the while grieving silently.
I dont sorrow like most people who have no hope because I do believe she is alive with my Lord. But it doesnt change the fact that she is not with me.

On a lighter note:
The things I would like to eat emotionally are a big fat bacon cheeseburger and fries. Maybe some butter pecan ice cream and lets see some chinese food would really hit the spot.

Did go shopping for christmas but decided to try and some clothes. Ya I went and bought a skinnier pair of jeans that I cant get into yet but will after this round. Good reason not to cheat. And a pretty silver shiny sweater for the christmas party


Caitlin said...

I am so sorry, Miss Mary. I can't imagine a loss of a child and the pain you continue to feel. I am thinking of you...

helderheid said...

Miss Mary, I am speechless. I've never experienced the loss you describe and can't fathom what that felt like and still feels like. *HUGS*

Brandi said...

I love you Mom...and you know we all think of Ashley a lot, especially this time of year. We may not have ever been able to meet her but she has always been loved.

I love you. <3

Anonymous said...

I am familiar with the pain. I am so sorry for you.

I had a late pregnancy miscarriage 8 years ago. I lost my little girl in July and that's a hard month for me, too.