Monday, December 21, 2009

Totally Off Track

Well today has been my third day of being totally off track. I stopped taking the injections yesterday because I have totally blown it. Thinking maybe starting another round on the anniversarry of my daughters death was a very bad idea. I thought I would be fine. Its been over 10 years but no. Amazing how you think you can handle something but under the surface stuff just wants to explode. So I plaaned an interruption anyway for christmas eve and day. Maybe after the holiday I can focus and not be bogged down with grief. I hate that I was weak and I am very dissappointed in myself. I really wanted to drop another 20 pounds. I will start fresh again New Years or sooner. God I hope I dont pack on the pounds. Just feeling a little lost and dont really care at the moment. Praying for a break and to regain my composure.


Anonymous said...

Sweetie, you don't have your mind and heart in doing protocol. You need to put it on the back burner, nurse your grief, enjoy your family and the holidays.

January 1st is your chance for a fresh start, new year, new you. Maybe the days after Christmas when everything quiets down, you can spend some time getting your head back into the game...psyching yourself out for a great new year!

We're here to help motivate you, cheer you on and "high five" you at the finish line!

nikkispower said...

I so agree with Autumn. Taking care of yourself on all levels is what this cure seems to ignite in many of us. Your emotional needs are just as important as your physical. It'll all be here when you are ready to continue.
Love and Harmony,

helderheid said...

Let me echo what AR said as well. PLEASE don't beat yourself up. Take a break and start fresh after the new year! *hug*

Brandi said...

I love you, Mom...and the ladies have already said everything else I would.

You'll do fine, just give you some time.

Love you :*

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